It was Friendship Day ffs

Checklist to not enjoy friendship day (I stay in hostel :3) :

  1. Wake up late in afternoon, because no one wants to wake you up, because nobody likes you.
  2. Got to wash your face and see your long lost neighbor.
  3. Get Brush and Paste, afterall they are friends and they stay together.
  4. Take Guitar and start practicing to listen how you are disturbing the person in next room and his friends in his room.
  5. Wait till last 5 min for lunch, and go lone for lunch. Sit alone among all the 160 benches of 8 seaters, each being occupied by a group of friends you know but don’t know whether they know you…
  6. While coming back, get ignored from past neighbor roommate as if you are a stranger.
  7. Come back to room to see all locked up rooms in corridor because all planned to go outside. Oh that’s why there was a meet I wasn’t invited to.
  8. Spend the rest of the time in room watching movies, playing games etc etc.
  9. Hear sound in corridor, open door just to get ignored, and get to know that your wing mates went outside for a movie and lunch.
  10. Go back and start doing where I left, i.e., wasting time.
  11. Go to have few snacks, get to know that today was friendship day, and most of the people went outing with their friends.
  12. Go back to room. Cry. Regret coming to college. Regret staying way from family. Sober. Hated by everyone. Loved by no one.
  13. Go online, see a picture of your crush with his rumored boyfriend which you expected and wanted to be false every minute till now.
  14. Cry again. Throw tear bucket water outside window. Cry again.
  15. Sober of all this, go outside alone to bar. Take a beer. See everyone came with someone, and you have no one to talk. Cry. Drink beer. Drink another. Drink a third. A fourth. Vomit. Eat peanuts. Think what you are doing with your life.
  16. Come back to campus. Get back to your corridor to see none help a dizzy drunk friend (or just a peer).
  17. Go to bed. Call Mom. Tell her everything is fine. Tell here all good. Disconnect Call. Cry. Cry again. Fall asleep in between. Tired and not loved. Hated by all.
  18. A new day with similar routine, realize yesterday was friendship day. Continue regretting living a life like this….

Friends Fiasco #1

Being friends with all of your batch is difficult, with all your college is next to impossible. But all we need is just that one a$$hole who will spend his/her life with you. Being in college, once you are a first year graduate student, lot of hurdles come along. Having a best friend makes them easier.

Me here still searching for someone who still believes in me, see’s something in me, stays with me, laugh’s with me, eat with me, but most importantly care for me. Having a best friend is one of the best moments in life, highly went unacknowledged. People are lucky to have someone they can count on. Not all are so lucky.

In my first year I met a lot of people. Tried being nice to all. Had a very good neighbor roommates. Ended up departing from them doe to reasons. Now heard that my wing is breaking again. And here I am sill finding that person whom I can call as my best friend. After all life is never fair with anyone, or is it just me…..

Long Hibernation

After a long time I’ve managed my mood to blog again. In this free time there were many things going on in my life. Many things making me feel depressed. Many things making one feel conscious about his/her future, feel bad on the wrong decisions made, feel guilty on doing not wanted things unknowingly, but most importantly feel delighted on how I have managed till here….

Life never goes the way we want it. If it goes, it isn’t life. Many things or should we call hurdles come along the way. Many tears are shred, many seconds are wasted. Not once could someone predict what would happen. All we could do is face it or at max if you are smart enough, be prepared for it. My teachers in college always said to me that I am not intelligent, but smart enough to score good marks. I really never understood that statement. But over the time when you see on what all happens, how dots occurred, you can connect the dots. After all dots can connected seeing backwards.

I basically f*cked up two of my semesters, when I could have taken any courses, by not taking right courses. I delayed few submissions by a period of months. I starved for food, or at least good food. Lived on dimes, lived without phone. More importantly lived through one of unpleasing moments of my life. Like all of your engineering is in front of your eyes, you couldn’t do what you decided to do when you came to college, you hate your discipline, people hate you, you started hating them, you end up being alone, lonely, scared, frightened of being end up as a psycho even after all this.

It doesn’t add up when you just live a life just for surviving in this all chaos. Finding a right meaning to live, not survive, well is difficult. I’ll now stop surviving for others and start living for myself. And try to blog daily. Afterall expressing few things from heart always makes one feel good, or to say amazing.

Fuzzy Friends #2

Following up the previous post (Link), friendship is one of the strongest bonds between two humans. Being fiends is of course like being partners in crimes, but also believing, sharing and doing anything for your friend. Your friend will always be there for you, if the friendship is too strong, irrespective of the reason.

Friends can be categorized into 3 categories : Very Close Friends, Casual Friends and Hi/Hello Friends.

  • Hi/Hello Friends are basically like your classmates. You meet them daily, greet them, ask/do a favour and prefer them from the people you don’t know. It is the assurance that you know, the reliability that they are from same class/company/locality etc.
  • Casual Friends are the people with whom one hangs out, one spends time with and are the people one seeks to if any help is required, than normal people he/she knows. Casual Friends are basically like the peers with whom one is comfortable with.
  • Very Close Friends are like brothers/sisters to each other. Sometimes they are roommates, other time they are partners in crimes. They do everything together and they are the people who spend a lot of time with each other. Sometimes more than they spend with family. They are the people/person with whom one shares their breakup story, or go sneaking out from a boring class, or mischief around, etc etc.Basically do all possible things which a person does in his lifetime together. They have very strong bonding and are ready to sacrifice/give up anything for each other.

Categorizing your friends like this is not a good idea, but this is the fact. Only close friends care about you. Only they give a shit about you. Others don’t care what have you done/achieved/lost. You don’t matter to them. Of course there can be well wishers, but chances are really low. Close friends are the people who can decide few of your life-changing decisions, they are the people who can make your future, or spoil your future. They are the people who can have a major impact in one’s life and influence it to a very big content.

Choosing friends is really important. Choosing right friends/being with right people can make your life and not being can change your life. If you think someone is good, someone really care about you, someone really think you are cool, just think again about why will a person do something without seeking anything in return. Every deed is a selfish act in this world. Nothing just happens. There are exceptions, but majority of times there is a reason. A pigeon being with a bunch of crows, will act like a crow. Not a pigeon. Thinking  again before doing something foolish enough can change your life.

They can be the reason you are like this, they can be the reason you are just like this, and they are the reason you will just be like this. 

Fuzzy Friends

Being Roman in Rome is not so easy. Sometimes you try to blend in with your friends but it always doesn’t come out properly. Some friends see benefits, some seek a favour, some just want to use your things and some just want to bitch about you in front of others.

Making a friend circle is one of the most important things in a person’s life. Everything decides on the fact about how good is your friend circle is. One can judge a person by the kind of friends he seek, by the kind of friends/people he hang out. They play a major role in a person’s character. A Pigeon acts as a crow in a bunch of crows, it’s not his mistake that he is stuck with those kind of birds.

Being too extrovert can sometimes be a bit hurtful. Knowing a lot of friend circles, trying to be friendly with everyone sometimes doesn’t really bring happiness. Having friends who have a motive in life, are passionate about something, are good characterized or at least know the manners about what to do when and where, are the ideal kind of people one should be. Not a lazy bunch of people doing same repetitive work of wasting their time, or using their time in an unproductive way.

Me myself being an extrovert, know a lot of people who are doing amazingly great with their life, and also know the kind of people who are just wasting their precious time doing irrelevant things. But me being a sensitive guy, sometimes I don’t take things in a good way or a pleasing way. Many words are uttered, many deeds are done, they pierce through heart, till the last vein stretches out.

Having or even knowing people like that really affects your lifestyle, mood and day-to-day things a lot. Someone’s beautiful day gets worsened just listening to a normal sentence of a person who cusses in every line he says, with a person who just finds ways to waste your time or a person who is not right to you. Being with someone who cares about you, who treats you the same way you treat them, who understands your problem. is a kind of person who should be your friend. If your life is not going right, just once look at your friend circle and think are these the people I want to be?

Looking at Laptop

Following up to my earlier post, recently all my electronic devices are going through rollercoster changes, only that they are breaking a lot. My mobile’s gorilla glass 3 got a good crack on it, my earphone’s left speakers are not sounding good, my gaming mouse’s left button is not catching clicks properly, my joystick is missing its both stick pads and last but not the least my laptop is going through a lot of BSOD’s nowadays and also one of its ram module is not working. So I am struck with just 4 gigs of ram till I go back.

All of sudden this things happened and in a deserted place where I am, with no proper food, but beautiful shelter, scenery, weather and internship, first time in my life I felt that all these can be overlooked to enjoy the moment. In a place where amazon takes 14 days to deliver and no electronic shops nearby, atleast till 10 km radius, its one of the worst places for all the breakdowns.

My laptop’s one of the ram module stopped working. But old grandmother remedy it is or an computer engineer’s, to remove it and put it back. My friend helped me to clean them and rebooting it with two sole ram sticks with different combinations (couldn’t go more than 4) it worked after 8-10 tries. Finally my ram is being detected and those additional gigs are the usable gigs because potato PC takes whole first 4 GB for system requirements.

Finally I can get back into coding and stop my project from going obsolete. But all this incident really showed me dependency on these marvelous delicate electronic masterpiece and how a tiny thing can make the whole thing go useless. Just like a jack on iPhone 7.

Pseudo Life

There is a lot of life beyond these 4 walls. Or rather so-called pseudo jail. From where I come from, or rather where I study, there is a lot of cultural diversity. Students come all over India, be it north or south or east or west, from everywhere. There is a lot of mixing of cultural’s, traditions and rituals.

This diversity helps us to know each other better, to understand each other and other cultures. All here who come, have cracked one of toughest engineering entrance exams, so all have a very good background of studying and all are hardworking and determined to do something in their life. But few of these people end up locked inside the room, studying all day or watching TV series or movies or doing something else, but they don’t come out often their room.

Life is plain simple for them. Especially for Studious students. Wake up early morning, have bath, go to classes, come back, have dinner, study, sleep. No fun, no gain of any other knowledge. But is it the real way how one should live?

There are many clubs and departments in every college where one can join to learn something new, to make new friends, to know each other and to meet your crush (in my case). I am in many clubs and departments, worked in many other places, lead a department and a club, managed many things in many fests. This helped me to meet amazing people out there, make whole bunch of friends, meet many seniors who helped me a lot, get to know juniors, saved their asses few times. But important thing is getting to know each other, learning new things and getting socialized.

I am a graphic designer, a videographer, a video composer. I do freelancing in both of the fields designing and videography. Worked for couple of startups, made a quite handsome amount of money. I also got to know a lot of things doing the same, the corporate structures, about how deadline to a company means lakhs of loss, how to talk to an executive, how to get dressed well ( never really helped me), how to make relations better and worse too and lot of other bitter but important things about corporate life.

Being in so many clubs and departments helped me to socialize a lot. Doing so many things simultaneously improved my management skills, including time management. Getting to know so many people helped me to reduce my stage fear, making me capable of striking conversation with anyone out there. Leading many clubs and departments helped me to gain leaderships skills. And a lot of other things helped me to build a personality I have. Or the person I am. 2 years ago I was still a child trying to solve MCQ’s to get into one of Prestigious Institutions in India. Being those 4 walls, never know it would be so amazing. I was an introvert then. Not any more.

And to people who stay in the 4 walls all the time, there is lot out there where you can do better things, spend your time more efficiently. Remember, studies is important, but there is a lot more than studies which will be required in real world. And being in college is the transition phase from student to an independent adult. Just come out of those 4 walls and see how much you can enjoy, or rather live your life than survive inside.