All the way from having posters of girl known for slut shaming on my wall, to all those motivational quotes of Jobs. (btw she is an amazing singer, I listen to every song of her and I still have her posters on my wall, cuz she is amazing. He too is <3). Everything I used to before has changed. I used to just game all night and sleep all day. Game and Sleep. Peacefully. But there are few responsibilities which an engineer acquires, more like late realizations when there parents are just spending over one and a half million on just educating his child so that he can sit all day in room, not go class (thx to 0% attendance policy) and watch movies and tv series; sometimes game.
Now coming to 3rd year of engineering, realizing that being unable to achieve anything in the past time is not an achievement. Even when internship interviews asked me where I see myself after 10 years, I saw myself in front of computer playing CS:GO, having a D’lore and Howl; and a Stat Kara Crimson.
But now, this mere instinct of one being responsible for his own life is striking me hard. Hard enough that I am going more than 70% classes, getting more than av/2 in exams and doing assignments on my own. well not all. I guess I only had a wrong road, not a wrong direction.
Research papers were never so boring. Coursea is so interesting. Coding was an art. Amazing art. People are so amazing. I was indeed on a wrong road. And coming back to right road costed me a lot of my time and making distance with a lot of people whom I know. There is no easy way.
But one thing I realized from all these. People only show respect to you, if you are better than them. Not having a bff still haunts me. But eh, its fine. I just have to live with it. Being lonely is never easy. One has to eat alone, walk alone, be alone most of times. And you get this phobia where one starts thinking people doesn’t want to be with you. But isn’t always true, but it is true more than its false. One of the reason I don’t go to class. And that I don’t want to study mechanical.
Well thanks to administration, taking courses I like were easy. Randomness played its part this time, hoping for next time too. Going to class regularly after 2 years, and for first time being interested in what is being taught, just feels amazing. I never felt like I was doing engineering till now. Its just amazing. Changing my life was not easy, but indeed it was necessary, else there was no future, thus no like to live upon.